Musings: That One Time I was a GroomsLADY

2:36 PM

I've always been one of the guys...
G // Me // B
...and I've always enjoyed it. You don't see many of my guy friends on here, because to be honest, as we've gotten older I don't hang out with them as much as I do my girlfriends. You did recently see my trip to Texas (Part 1 & Part 2) with some of them documented, but that is very rare as of late.

The group of guys I'm speaking of were introduced to me during various times in my life, half of the friendships start in 3rd grade and the other half are from Freshman year of high school. Lucky for me, both groups merged together and all of them are friends, to this day.
There are two of them that I am really close to, G and B. They are also best friends and have known each other since Kindergarten, I believe (don't quote me on that). The three of us, along with their wives, have been at each others important life events for as long as I can remember.

G and B are so different, but I think that's why they get along. You can imagine our dynamic as two brothers and a sister. They pick on me, make fun of me, and harass me -- but all in love and they get it back ten fold, so don't pity me! They are also some of the most genuine humans I've ever met, minus their farting and general stench!

G and I are close, really, really close. I'd also even say I'm really close with his wife too. So when he asked me to be in his wedding, on HIS side, I was shocked!! G tends to be very traditional and conservative(ish), so when he was going against the norm with me as one of his grooms-person's, I was delighted, yet still a little shocked.

I shouldn't have been. We talked every day for over an hour for 3 years, as I commuted from my old job (1-2 hours) each day. I'd visited him multiple times when he was going to school for his Doctorate. Shoot, B and I even flew the engagement ring out to him before the he popped the big question. All that being said, I never thought I'd get to part of their special day in that capacity.

Since he lived in a different state, he asked me via a phone conversation one day. So nonchalant, it took me by surprise. I was so excited that he asked me, honored really. I knew this was 'out of the box' for him, so it meant even more to me. He didn't have a name for it yet, but eventually groomslady stuck. So that's what I was, a groomslady in a group of groomsmen. I felt lucky.

I don't expect to be asked to be in anyone's wedding. Even a best friend's wedding. There are too many dynamics that go into planning that to have that expectation of anyone is unfair. I see it as an honor to be asked, and only that. It is not a given, nor should it be for anyone.

From the moment he asked me, it was almost always a running joke between us. Although we had to figure out logistics at some point, it was always just a laughing point for us. They were planning a West Coast wedding from the East Coast. He even said I could wear a women's suit if I wanted. I told them, from the beginning, that I'd do whatever they preferred, it was their wedding.

G and K (his then fiancé, now wife) invited me to go shopping with them, for the groomsmen wear. We met at the local Men's Warehouse to find what the fella's would be wearing. They had already decided I would wear the same dress as the bridesmaids, but mine would be in the color of whatever the groomsmen were wearing. After as much clothing discussion and contemplation that G could take, they went with grey Vera Want suits. There was a dress color that matched perfectly, so it worked out all around. They were kind enough to help out the wedding party and pay for some of their clothing, but I wouldn't accept mine. G has taken care me over the years, from pizza, to booze, to flights to visit them. I didn't feel right taking their offering, so I never cashed his check. It was such a sweet gesture.

I know you're wondering. Did you go to the bachelor party? I was invited, which I thought was a beyond sweet gesture, but I chose not to go. I wanted it to be fair to everyone, even though all the guys there were my good friends. I know there are certain instances, where me being a woman, will always make it different, to say the least. I wanted them to have their fun without feeling any restrictions that a woman was hanging out with them. K was sweet enough to invite and include me in her bachelorette weekend, which was really, really  fun.

For the Bach party, we spent the weekend in their favorite city, Capitola. This is also where the wedding would take place. G's family owns a cabin there and we've all been coming here, as a group, since high school. This little beach town holds tons of memories for us all - girls and guys, a like!
Fast forward a few months after both bachy parties and it was wedding time. The bridal party stayed in a cute little rental on the water, which they invited me too as well. Or I had the option to 'rough it' in the cabin with all of our guy friends, in the wedding or not, they were all staying there. I chose to stay in the cabin with all the fellas and their girlfriends. I did however, not plan on looking a hot mess, so the morning of I went and got my hair done with the bridal party. As soon as I was finished, I made my way back to the cabin to do my own make-up.
K & I after the rehearsal, on the way to dinner!
After all of us were dressed and ready to go, with a few hiccups here and there with some of the fellas outfits, the fancy Whiskey started flowing. Shot after shot, we kept making up things to cheers about. One of the groomsmen bought G a really nice, huge bottle of Whiskey and they weren't letting that go to waste. Finally we made our way to the church.
The fella's boutineers were all lined up, then there was my lonely wrist corsage at the end of the line. I can't thank K & G for making everything to accommodating for me and making me feel included, even though my roll was so different from the norm. I kinda felt bad for the bridesmaid that got stuck walking with me. I can't remember her name, but she was a super champ about it. She knew her fate at the rehearsal, but it still didn't make it less kinda weird. We took it in stride. We laughed about it pretty much up until the the walk down the isle. If I remember correctly, I think we linked arms. I don't think I escorted her, per se...but honestly I don't quite remember.
The only other fuzzy memory is how I was introduced at the reception. Their reception was at my favorite, also the nicest restaurant, in Capitola. They have a 'quaint cable car' for goodness sake. It's fancy pants for sure, but it was lovely for their wedding. A night of friends, laughter, and love. The 'after party' was us all heading out in the little downtown village. If you've never been to Capitola, GO! It's the cutest little beach town, just a short drive from it's bigger and flashier cousin city Santa Cruz.  

We all go through firsts in our life, but this is one that I never even crossed my mind as a possibility. I am so grateful and blessed I was asked to be part of their special day. Although it was completely unorthodox, Google it (it's interesting to say the least), I felt like it worked out great. I still feel honored that I was a part of their day, it means a lot.
Some people may question friendships between men or women. We haven't really allowed anyone to question our friendships, it's just the norm in our group of friends (all sexes). All the girls known I'm the one who still hangs out with the guys from time to time, and the fellas know I still see the girls all the time. I don't say this to be boastful, I say it to highlight that I am happy to be the steward of friendship between everyone. I always have and always will.

GroomsLADY, it's a thing!

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2 comments

  1. I think it is so sweet you were able to be part of your friend's big day. I agree that I never expect to be part of a wedding because so many dynamics go into planning but I definitely don't think something like gender should keep you from being involved. I am not one of the guys so I am certain I will never be a grooms lady, but I think it is such a cool idea!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Girlie! It's one of those things that doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it's pretty cool! You never know, you may get asked one day ;) xoxo, ganeeban

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