Musings: BoastFul(or Less)

8:15 AM

I've been ridiculous lately...

I guess, if I openly admit it out loud, then I'm less of a horrible human. That's how it works right? Okay, I'm being slightly sarcastic here, don't get upset.

Somehow, someway I started following a lovely lady via SM. I actually worked with her husband back in the day, but we've never met. However, we have some very similar qualities -- blogging, wine (her Chardonnay, me Cab), and we both have marketing jobs. Jamee over at Perfectly Uncorked shared an article titled "My Husband Doesn't Post About me on Social Media (and That's Fine with Me)" written by the author at Queen Lion Heart.

I noticed myself becoming slightly envious of posts by other men, boasting about their amazing women, how in love they are, and all that mushy stuff. I didn't want to say anything, because I do realize the ridiculous of such a feeling, want, or need to have such displays of affection plastered all over social media. I even tried to have a conversation with J about it, but I couldn't put it into the right words to him, maybe even myself.

I even mentioned it over my birthday weekend. A handful of girlfriends posted the sweetest birthday posts for me, but nada from J. I told you I was being ridiculous, there's proof.

Then I read that blog post and it was so spot on, I thought I'd share it with you all. Maybe you could give two shits about SM and if your Boo shares anything about you and your relationship. But, I'm immersed in SM for work and for a hobby. So although to you it may not, it has a high value in my life. I couldn't articulate what my feelings were but it was said perfectly with this excerpt:
"Annoying as these over-posters may be, I have to admit… I have caught myself feeling jealous of the women whose beaus gush and ogle over them online for everyone to see. It’s a strange female urge, I think, to feel adored, loved, even boasted about. As a gender we tend to be more openly self-conscious than men, feeling that we need the men in our lives to provide us with the self-confidence and self-worth we desire. I can’t think of any girl who wouldn’t like a boy to post a flattering selfie of her to Instagram for #wcw. It’s like an insta-ego boost."

After she admits about craving for the feeling those posts give us, she goes on to explain how her husband treats her in real life is what is most important. Not a quick gratification post by her husband, but his day to day devotions to her. That reminder was exactly what I needed to read. Then she hit me with this:
"When I was able to grasp that perspective, I realized the problem with feeling social media envy is my problem, not his."

Again, she put my ridiculousness in check. It is my 'problem' not his. It's not J's responsibility to boast about me to the world. What I should focus on is how he treats me in our relationship, as woman, as his partner. No post could ever portray what that is or means.
And then again, she had some even better advice. The next time I feel like showing off a cute USie or being nostalgic about something we did together I "should show my love for my husband in a way that actually speaks to him." Okay, obviously we need to substitute husband out for boyfriend! But actually show him with my actions in real time, don't put it on SM. Especially since he doesn't care, nor does he even like any of my posts (his silent protest to my SM antics, apparently).

It's an embarrassing topic, maybe even taboo. The curated and filtered lives we share with one another via SM, is just that. But it also has other emotional ramifications that happen as well, but we'd rather mock these feelings than acknowledge them. Although I feel ridiculous in feeling this way, I decided to talk to J about it. It made me feel better, instead of anger or sadness. I wasn't sure if I was upset that he doesn't post this stuff anymore, because he actually used too. Or because I was envious of seeing other posts. Maybe it's a mixture of both, maybe its not. We are of an age where SM is ingrained in our lives, to different degrees for different people. As long as I contain my crazy, work through it, and communicate I know I'm doing my best.

It was just really cathartic to know that others, who seem normal on the surface too, have these moments of ridiculousness too...AND even feel comfortable writing about them on the Intranets. I don't think I'd ever have contemplated blogging this subject had I not read that post. I'm too conflicted about living authentically and not appearing to care so much about SM, but I do. There's no real way around it. I put more emphasis around it that necessary, but it's clarity inducing moments like this that make me realize that I'm putting too much emphasis on the wrong things.

So to the nameless blogger at Queen Lion Heart (I cannot find her about me section to get her name), thank you. Thank you for articulating what I couldn't say, reminding me what is important, and also making me feel a little less insecure about how I was feeling. Thank you, Jamee, for sharing her post when you did, it was serendipitous.

I still may be ridiculous, but I feel better...

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