Musings: Cohabiting - Year 1

9:44 AM

12 Months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8765.81 hours.

To be fair, this is not even a pic of us in our house!
Okay, not every waking minute of the past year has been spent living with one another, we obviously have jobs and went on vacation...and had a life. But you get the gist, we've officially hit the one year mark of living together.

Just one year later, I can reflect on musings about moving in together. We officially signed the lease at least a week and a half before we actually moved in, but who's counting?!? Big thanks (again and a year later) to all those amazing souls that helped us move.
Repost of our pic from last year, not my fave pic of us...
I would say we settled nice and easily into our new roll as roommates, haha, joking about the roommates title! But in all seriousness, it just works for us. I'm the organized one. J adapts quickly and doesn't really care about what goes where, so my 'bossy pants' way worked. We both take turns with the chores, not one chore is his nor solely mine (well laundry, because I am crazy picky about how my clothes are washed)!

We made our first big purchase together and for the house, a couch. It was necessary, since neither of us owned one prior to moving in together. I guess that's not quite entirely true, since we also had to buy a dining room table. Again, since neither of us had this prior to living together. Other than those purchases, and an awesome shelf his brother made us, we had everything we needed. Okay, another lie...I finally treated myself to an entire set of Crate and Barrel dishes. 

We've lived with each other through all four seasons. That may not sound significant, but I think it is. We all have preferences, which change from season to season. I love summer and am always way too hot. J is never hot and prefers anything but the summer.

5 Things I Learned About Cohabitation in Year 1

1. Mine Becomes Ours - In my head everything was now 'ours'. But when I spoke about it, I told a different story. It took some time for me to call everything and even our actual home 'ours'. I'd call it 'the house' or refer to specific things as mine. In actuality I didn't think of it that way, but my spoken word needed time to adjust. I'm sure my emotional level needed to adjust too, but I honestly felt like I was adjusted. It came organically, but it just took longer for me, than it did for J.

2. Unspoken Expectations - We both had them. It took us about 8 months to realize what they were, find the root issue, and work through them. In most situations you just assume things will work out a certain way...eventually. Well, that probably isn't how it will work out. So I suggest, you make sure you blatantly lay out your expectations with one another. I thought we did a good job, but we missed a few. Some important and some not so important. But for the sanity of each other and your relationship, talk about it all, big or small, so both of you are on the same page.

3. King - Two adults who are generally bruised and battered from workouts or soccer should own a King size bed, or better yet a California King Size bed. Our queen size bed suffices, but is not ideal. Get the bigger bed. Still a to do for us.

4. Darkness - I need quiet and complete darkness to fall asleep. J likes the TV on. So, there's that. At times we've both conceded to each other, J more so than I. However, I knew he preferred the TV...but I didn't realize how much he actually preferred it this way. But I've learned to turn the other way and throw the duvet over my head if he plans to stay up exponentially longer than I. We've seemed to work it out, kinda, but there is a give and take still.

5. Time - It's been an adjustment for me to allocate my time differently. I'm a busy body and J is not. I love going out and doing new and exciting things, J would prefer to chill at home. Although our choices are very different, J did a lot more conceding when we didn't live together. But as the time spent living together elapsed, I realized more time at home was needed to balance our our busy schedule. It's still an ongoing goal to balance our time evenly, but  it seems we've found our groove. The shared iPhone calendar helps a lot, especially when dealing with three schedules, four soccer leagues, and both of us having (very, very) part time jobs sometimes. 

Here is a great article (and overall resource) about cohabitation: Sharing A Room Before Sharing Vows? What You Should Know Before Cohabitating

Things Coming in Year 2
  • Decorate, we should really do this. We have stuff, it just isn't on the walls.
  • Cable-less, no more Comcast. Going to try and survive with just Hulu & Netflix, stay tuned...
  • Purge, well for me at least, I have way too much stuff, clothes to be exact.
  • Backyard, I'd love to do something fun out here. It is a little oddly shaped and we have both A/C units right there, so we can't get too elaborate back there. That and our neighbors are always smoking on the other side of the fence, gross!
It hasn't been all rainbows and sweetness, but we've survived the first year of cohabitation. Survived isn't the right word, that implies it was a complete struggle, which it wasn't at all! There were lovely moments of cooking together, putting furniture together, and cuddling on the couch, but in contrast there were the moments where we needed our space. We are human and we aren't perfect, but the life we are creating together is exactly what works for us.

Making a house a home takes love and perseverance, which I love sharing with J!

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6 comments

  1. It's definitely an adjustment to live with somebody. Although I have to say I disagree with the king size bed thing. Everytime I'm in a hotel with one I'm like where's my husband. I hate all that space.

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    1. Yes, this was my first (and hopefully only) time I've lived with a beau! Oh man, when we are in a hotel king size bed I'm so excited, but agreeably I kinda miss the closeness. But laying any way I want is pretty enticing! Xoxo, ganeeban

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  2. I really love this recap on the past year of living together, super thought provoking. I think living with someone is such a big step, you learn so much about yourself, the other person and the relationship. I don't need a king sized bed (though my puppy does surprisingly take up a TON of room for only weighing 7lbs) but I think living together makes mine become ours. Jordan and I both brought different items to our home but from the very beginning we started referring to everything as "ours" which just seems friendlier overall. I think you'll totally be fine without cable, I have Netflix and Hulu and never even think about cable! (:

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    1. Thanks girlie! It's been fun, maddening, and a great first year. It defintely adds a new layer to the relationship! I still catch myself saying 'mine' sometimes, but I'm much better at correcting myself. I think so too, just means more time spent talking, blogging, or reading -- which are all better alternatives to trashy TV! Xoxo, ganeeban

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  3. Surviving the first year is the hardest. It's a good sign that you are both committing to year two!!! :) Sleep schedules and habits are troublesome for a lot of couples, whether it be wanting to stay up late, get up early, sleep in the dark, have white noise, etc. It's definitely good to find balance as you spend a lot of time sleeping. My husband and I have a king bed and I swear we only use half of it.... but I know what you mean about wanting to sprawl out! I can't wait to hear your thoughts and experience with going cable-less. I couldn't do it. :)

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    1. Thanks, lady! I couldn't agree more. Especially when it's my first time ever!! Oh, I'm envious of your bed!! I'm nervous but happy to go cable less, another $150 back into the budget! Xoxo, ganeeban

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