Current Situation: Not Running

2:54 PM

Running seems like a chore these days...

Post 2.62mi run on Sunday AM
I know it's hard to believe, but I just have no desire to run. Don't get me wrong, I have these bouts of inspiration daily/weekly and then when it comes down to lacing up, I just don't! I don't know what it is - laziness, bored, over it? I just do not know what it is.

Oddly, I have a half marathon race this Sunday. Again, I will be racing in a race that I am completely untrained for. I know this isn't good for my body or my mind, but it will be completed. I don't care about my pace, but I do. I don't care that it will hurt, but I do. I don't care that I might have to walk, but I do. I do care, but just not enough...

I'm hoping this is just a phase, because deep down I know running is a part of who I am - file that under things I don't think I'd ever say or admit to. It's become part of my identity, whether I like it or not. So, what am I supposed to do when part of my identity isn't really coming to fruition? 

There are moments where I'm completely excited for my upcoming run I've carved into my schedule. But when the alarm goes off or I am supposed to start getting ready, I just don't. I talk myself out of it or I just let laziness take over. I then feel guilty about not going. It's a vicious cycle that's been going on for the last few months.

I couldn't be any more excited to be heading to SLO in a few short days, but this race is like a grey cloud over my head. As an ambassador, I am supposed to be super pumped and ready for race day. But I feel like hiding at Avila beach all morning and taking advantage of being sun kissed by the Central Coast sun. But I won't. I will lace up and get through the 13.1 miles of the SLO Half Marathon. I will feel euphoric for completing the race, but upset that I wasn't trained for it and probably physically sore from putting myself through that distance.

Have you ever had this feeling? {Please, someone tell me you have!}

It's hard to fathom that I feel this way, when I follow/read so many running blogs...I continually feel inspired, but still don't take any action. On Sunday I went for a quick run before yoga, for a whopping 2.62 miles. I wanted more, but since I pushed back the time I left for the run, I didn't leave myself with much time to actually run. Was I self sabotaging again? Not too sure..the first mile was rough, but the second one was great.

I've told myself I'm not signing up for any more races this year, besides the one that was prepaid from last year AND potentially one for a friend's birthday. I will just run to run, but I won't say no if someone asks me to run a race with them - those times are always fun! I just need to get this feeling of forced running out of my system. I need to find my joy in running, before I decide to push myself into a race/longer distance.

Even the Boston Marathon couldn't motivate me to run after work on Monday. I was hyped all morning to have watched the elites finish, but couldn't find an ounce of desire to lace up my own shoes and log some miles, although J did without me (good for him). Maybe new shoes and a new Garmin will reignite our my love for running...or not...

I still know there is a desire to run, somewhere inside me...it's just a little lost...

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6 comments

  1. I think it's normal for motivation to fluctuate. I say get back into running for fun encore oh sign up for any races. If it is truly apart of your indentity you will long to hold onto it even if it isn't a race! (:

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    1. Thanks for giving me perspective, it's needed at times :) xoxo, ganeeban

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  2. It sounds like you are experiencing a little burnout, which is completely normal. You have been participating in a lot of races/events, and it's probably your physical body communicating with your mind, telling you to slow down or take a break. There is nothing wrong with taking a break if your heart and head aren't in it right now. I usually feel this way during tapering and after a big race, and will take two or three weeks completely off from running. Perhaps if you spent some time away, you would miss it and rekindle that fire. Always works for me. :) You aren't alone - I think all runners go through this at one point or another.

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    1. Yes, I'm definitely on a burnout mode! I need to really stop singing up for races and then going stretches of not running and stressing myself out when its near race day. I can't be upset with anyone but myself, but I just need to be better about it all. I'm going to enjoy the rest of the year running when I want too and just running the races that have already been paid for! Thanks for the words of encouragement and wisdom, they are very helpful! xoxo, ganeeban

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  3. I hear ya. I'm still going through this "finding my groove back" with running. I've been doing short runs on the treadmill and occasional runs on the trail but that's it. I think I need to sign up for a race to get on a schedule and stay motivated! Good luck out there! :)

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    1. I guess it's just the ebb and flow of our running lives! HAHA! I'm just hoping to find the joy in it soon! xoxo, ganeeban

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