2015: The Game Plan

1:57 PM

Well, f@%k, I don't really have one...

Celfie, just because I didn't have much else to add...
But, as I sit here today, Tuesday, January 27th I feel like I might need to start one. I'm a 31 year old woman, functioning perfectly (adequately might be a better word) in my life, steady income, training for a marathon, living with my boyfriend and his daughter (part-time)...but something still feels off.

I have found the balance of things that make me happy and doing things with our new little family, but I still feel slightly lost. I feel as though I don't have anything passionate I can talk about. You know what I'm talking about? When people talk about something so passionately, their eyes light up, their hands are gesturing everywhere, and their excitement oozes through their pores. I have my blog and running/working out, both of which excite me a lot. But nothing like the excitement or passion that I'd hope to have one day in my life.

Maybe I'm destined to be content with what I have. Maybe I'm destined to seek out something more. I'm not really sure. I'm not one to make huge life decisions without it being somewhat planned. I would never quit my job to pursue something I wasn't sure if I couldn't rely on it financially. I just don't take risks like that. I recognize this, which maybe why it makes it easier to be happy with the choices I've made. However, deep down, there is something missing.

I have absolutely no idea what it is. I could sit here and list out my dream job (which would still be hard) and my dreams in general, but I almost feel like if I say them out loud, you'll expect me to work to get them. And that seems frightening.

So maybe I need to focus on small things that excite me, not something grandiose. Things that I've been thinking about incorporating into my life, but just haven't take the time to:

1. Volunteering - I've done my share over my 31 years, but I'd like to get into the habit of doing it regularly again.

2. Yoga - I really need to do this for my mind, body, and soul. 

3. Go for a walk and be present - I dislike walking, because if I'm outside, I should be running. But, I think I need to take the time to be present and go outside and enjoy my surroundings. I don't do this enough, but I think it will give me time to think and provide clarity to my chaotic thoughts.

4. Travel - Of course resources are needed for this, but even free day trips are something I need to take advantage of. There are so many neat places to explore within a 2 hour radius of Sacramento. 

5. Say No - When I say this, I mean in regards to various, extra curricular activities. In an attempt to save money for a grand trip, I need to stop focusing on instant gratification. A dinner out with friends is super fun, but that could be money toward a ticket to Europe or money spent on a dinner while in Paris. I need to remember the bigger picture and not focus on my immediate wants. 

As I started to write this, I had no idea where it would go. Other than, I know something feels amiss. I can't pinpoint it, maybe I'm being emotional, maybe I'm going to start my period soon. I don't know what it is, but something lit a fire under my ass...

What are you so passionate about it's unbearable?

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4 comments

  1. I know where you are coming from. I can't decide if it is a societal pressure or an internal need that we want something to drive us. To be honest I've stopped searching for a "passion", I think it's misleading the idea that we should have this given force that gives us inspiration. I believe that there are moments of passion but I don't believe it is (or should be) permanent!

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    1. I like your perspective on the post. I think the drive comes from both sources - internal and societal. I enjoy the moments of passion and inspiration, I will thrive off those and see where it takes me. xoxo, ganeeban

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  2. Blegh. I'm all over about this.

    I fall in love with activities for a little bit. I have brief romances with everything but my job and my boyfriend (both of which have been with me for over 3 years now, lol). So while I'm bright eyed about something, it may not be long lived. And sometimes that sucks more than just being content and consistent about something.

    I like me, and I like that I try new things, and I think that's what I'm passionate about. But I definitely don't have this driving moral/activity based compass that makes all my decisions like some people.

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    1. I'm the exact same way! It's definitely an internal struggle. But I do love finding little jolts of inspiration, anywhere and everywhere. Maybe we are destined to have mini-passions, if that is even a thing ;) xoxo, ganeeban

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