Insanity

10:36 AM

It's time for a free write...

Is that even a thing...I potentially could have just made that up, but I just want to write today. Normally today would be a WIAW post, but sometimes you just need to sit down and write the thoughts that keep you up at night or that fill your soul. Or at least write in an attempt to see some clarity in your thoughts.

Albert Einstein put it so simply, it's poetic. This quote is so perfectly true it's annoying. How many times do you do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome? Me, a lot, but in a different way.

In general, most probably relate this quote to strictly actions. However, when I think of this quote, I think of actions of a person or my expectation of a person's actions. Yes, I'm that hard headed to believe that maybe I can change a person. Yes, insanity, right? I know, why do I think I can change someones way of thinking? I can't, but I continue to hope and think that this is the case.

From the death of a friendship to the overwhelming feeling of disappointment, I continually set expectations for people in my life that seem to bite me in the ass. You would think I would adjust my mind set accordingly, so I don't get so invested in my feelings, but for some overwhelming reason I can't.

I wish I could sit here and apologize for this, but I just can't. I don't think I should have too, but I also know I need to realize people are who they are. They won't change, no matter what I do. It does NOT matter if I bring reason to the table, it does not matter if I try my damnedest to reach out or try my best as a person, sometimes things just aren't going to change.

I'm coming to realize that my expectation of people in my life will always be an internal struggle. Are my expectations to high of those I have a relationship with, friend, or loved one? Is it fair to keep my standards of others so high? Probably not, but it is an innate need to keep those around me honest, forth giving, and as transparent as I hope to be with them.

My thoughts are mine, but they don't define me. So, with that mindset, I will focus more on the Serenity Prayer and be mindful and self aware of my thoughts and expectations.

I know eventually I will get over it, I always do...

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4 comments

  1. I think sometimes we expect a lot from the people we would be willing to do a lot for. Sometimes I assume that because I would move mountains for someone they would do the same for me and then I'm let down when they give up easily or fail to care. I think it's hard to adjust this attitude and to morph these expectations. On one hand I don't want to adjust my expectations because I think I deserve these sort of friendships/relationships...on the other hand I think "maybe if I expected less I wouldn't be hurt and let down so often". I don't know the right answer.

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    1. Hi Missy! You took the words right out of my mouth. I've written that sentiment before, so I tried to word it differently with this post. One can only take so much disappointment... xoxo, ganeeban

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  2. I once heard that we judge others on their actions, and ourselves on our intentions.

    And it makes me more empathetic when I expect something from someone and they let me down. I, in many cases, hope, and figure that they had good intentions, and this may be something I have done or would have done in the past, but I don't to read their underlying motivations, reasons, or intentions like I do my own.

    I don't know, man, it's hard because who isn't hurt when someone fails them repeatedly?

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    1. Hi Kay! That's an interesting saying, I'm not sure I've ever heard that before. I guess yes, I should just believe that their underlying motivations were not to hurt me or let me down. It's a lot easier said than done, especially when it has become somewhat of a habit. Thanks for the words, it helps a lot to talk it through. xoxo, ganeeban

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