Thinking Out Loud - My Bestest Might Hate The Boy

8:28 AM

Okay, hate might be a strong word...



Thinking-Out-Loud
Amanda at .RUNNING WITH SPOONS.
Dislike, strongly dislike, wants to punch his face...do those sound any better? I think I knew it was bound happen at some point, but it sucks now that it has. And I know I am the culprit.

In the beginning they got along great, they secretly plotted our dates (she knows my eating habits very well), they collaborated for Valentine's day, and also my birthday.

Somewhere along the lines of the Boy and I developing our relationship, things got grey for the Bestest. I don't think any relationship is perfect and ours is far from it. We are still in the "honeymoon phase," if you will, but there have been some huge learning curves. We aren't perfect by any means, but I don't want us to be. I love that we are growing together and nurturing our relationship.

But when things get a little messy, who are you supposed to turn to? Yup, you guessed it. I turn to the Bestest. She is an amazing soul and I appreciate her letting me vent to her, for her being able to make me see clearly, to make me laugh when I'm beyond upset, and to give me perspective. 

But...what if all you hear are the negative things? Of course, your opinion is bound to change. So thus, my conundrum!

I can see why she feels the way she does. It does not help that I do not feel comfortable bragging/talking about how good my relationship is going. So essentially, all she hears are my gripes and annoyances. Even as I write this, it makes it seem that my venting is in vast amounts, which it wasn't (or at least how I feel), but it probably felt like that to the Bestest. I'm not sure how you and your Bestest communicate, is it all info divulged or just some? We are pretty open about our feelings, what's going on with almost everything, and just everything in general.

So, instead of just "venting" to her I should have stopped myself sometimes. Or also, told her about the good times. About the sweet notes he left me all around my room for me to find at random times. Or about how he has opened the car door for me every single time I've gotten into the car (unless I'm driving...that would be weird). Or how happy he truly makes me feel, even if we disagree on some matters and I want to punch his face sometimes. Shit happens and I need someone to vent too. That's all it boils down too.

Don't get me wrong, this hasn't stopped me from continuing to talk about our relationship to the Bestest. We still discuss stuff, I still tell her how I'm feeling, but I just know it won't be the same. I know she now associates my negativity with him. We've actually discussed this topic in detail. I know she doesn't "hate" him and she just wants me to be happy. She's asked me the hard questions and she has every right too, I'm actually grateful she does. That is a genuine friend, right there! I hope she knows (which she does) I would do the same for her, any day!

I've actually spoken to both of them about it. The Boy doesn't like how it all turned out, which I don't blame him, but it is the way it is right now. I guess we all handle things differently. As I'm learning (and growing) I realize I need to talk to someone. Whether it's the Boy or the Bestest, I need to relieve my thoughts verbally. I know I should just say what I'm feeling to the Boy, but sometimes (or a lot of the time) it's hard. I'm learning that I'm not as open, in a relationship, as I always thought I was. So, it's something I need to work on, which in the end will hopefully negate any of this grey area for everyone. I feel like I am the one to blame, but at least both of them know where they stand.

It's a trade off. A huge trade off, I wasn't really thinking would be the outcome. I can vent wholeheartedly to the Bestest, but the Bestest and the Boy might never have a great relationship. I choose not to force the issue and I hope it can be repaired over time. I think it is something that needs to happen organically, not forced.

These are two very important people in my life, basically they come right after my immediate family. So to know that I've created such a gap between them bums me out. I'm sure it will work itself out in the end.

One can hope, right?!?

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4 comments

  1. Ugh these kind of situations are never pleasant to deal with. But I think you have it right when you say that you should be talking about issues with The Boy instead of turning to The Bestest. I know it's hard to be open in relationships, but good communication is KEY since people can't read our minds and know what we want/need/etc. Hopefully the tension eases up over time :)

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    1. Me too! Thanks the the note. I need to remind myself that more times than not. He cannot read my mind, dang it!! xoxo, ganeeban

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  2. Oh no...sounds like a tricky situation. I'm not one for confrontation or talking about things that are outside my comfort level. I'm sure things will work out. :) ((hugs))

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    1. I thought I was good about that stuff, turns out...not so much ;) Thanks for the note! xoxo, ganeeban

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