A Taboo Topic...Or So it Seems...

3:22 PM


Sometimes you have to talk about things that people don’t ever really talk about…this coming from the girl who can spew her life on this random open-to-the-public, blog…but has a hard time expressing herself in a relationship. Go figure…

Yup! Pretty much sums up what I’ve learned after a few months into my new relationship. I debated on if I should write about this. I mean really, it’s up to me how much of my life I want to put into the blogosphere. It's fairly vague in content, but just observations I've notices as I enter the no-so-single world! I respect our relationship and will not divulge specifics ever, but just some thoughts I've had over the last few months, weeks, days...

When reading this post, please understand my viewpoint is coming from a girl who hasn’t been in a relationship for about 9 years and currently finds herself in one. It’s been an interesting process. Over my 9 years of being single, I’ve developed some serious single girl habits that I’ve only, now, come to realize I had developed. There were some dates here and there, but none that were too relevant. I am not good at putting myself out there; I online dated for less than one week, before deactivating my account. I just went about my merry way and if a date did happen, I would nervously go out with them, but obviously none of them really worked out.

Some older posts about my quick stint at on-line dating:
Ready, Set, On-line Date -  And So It Goes...
My 1 On-line Dating Tip - The Magical Word
Single Girl Rant -  Perpetually Single

Things I am learning about myself since I’ve left the single world:

I’m not as good a communicating as I thought – yeah, I think deep down I knew this, but I would act like I was. Too cool for school I guess. What it comes down to, is I have a hard time expressing myself when I’m angry and/or upset or something is bothering me. In general conversation and life, I am an open book or I don’t mind talking about those aspects of life. It’s when it gets to those uncomfortable conversations; I tend to bottle it up, until I can’t take it anymore. Yes, I realize and fully acknowledge that this is not a good trait. I’m working on it, but it’s hard! I think it’s a mixture of fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being able to say what I mean, and fear of being judged. Most would probably classify this as one of the key factors in a relationship…and currently I suck at it…

I’m selfish – with my time. I never had to account for anyone else; I was able to go about as I please, make plans with whom and whenever I wanted. I am a planner by nature, so my calendar was (somewhat) perfectly planned, thanks to the calendar in my iPhone. If there isn’t anything on the calendar, then I’m free to roam as I please. Usually it meant the gym, reading, or in the summer copious amounts of tanning, while reading! Once you decide to let someone else into your life, this changes. By no means am I complaining, it just takes adjusting. Figuring out and working with someone else’s schedule, to make sure they blend together cohesively, is the compromise. Wanting to do this is a new feeling too. Wanting them to be a part of your world, your friends, your family…making sure they fit into all aspects of your life, it’s a great feeling. But, I won’t lie…it takes adjusting, because like them, you have to do the same for their lives as well. 
Everyone has an opinion – and they aren’t afraid to share it. Yes, as a girl, I tend to discuss things with my friends. I ask for their advice and opinion on various topics of all things and relationships go in this category as well. However, I’ve noticed that everyone (not just girlfriends) has an opinion, a joke, an observation, or will say anything about a new relationship. Sometimes you can laugh it off, sometimes you can just ignore it, or sometimes it makes you think. Not all things said are negative, but the ones that are can get to you. And they do, but it’s how you deal with it that matters. Everyone in your life is always going to have an unsolicited opinion about your life, so I figure I’ll take it with a grain of salt and know that it comes from a good place. 

This shit is hard! – Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of amazing parts about dating someone. But sometimes, those tricky, gray areas get really hard. This is all so new to me, I think I’m just taking it day by day, but at times I do wonder…Is it easier to be single? Obviously, these aren’t everyday thoughts, but they do pop up once in awhile. Am I a bad person for having them? I’d like to think I’m not, that it is normal, but I’m not sure. 

Learn from others, but trust your journey. – I’ve been surrounded by plenty of successful and failed relationships. Many of which have shaped the way I think about how I would want mine to be. As I find myself in one, I realize it’s not always as black and white as I thought. I do know that I don’t need someone to make me happy, that happiness starts within me. However, the other person can bring that out in you or only make it better. I know that just because I am in a relationship, all other aspects of my life don’t go on hold (work, family, the gym, etc.); I still need to remain true to what I love and believe in. Those characteristics are why someone is attracted to you.

I feel like I need to make a list of the good things that I’ve learned from my new found non-singleness. But that would be me justifying this post, because some of these things are hard to talk about (maybe just for me). We like to think our relationships (or all, in general) are all sugar and sweet, but in reality they take work to be something good. I’m learning to compromise, learning about myself, and what truly makes me happy.

Disney lied, fairy tales take work ;)

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  1. I've been with the same guy for over a decade and can tell you that these issues never go away. Relationships take work, but they are worth it! :)

    1. I guess...just like all the good stuff in life, it takes work! Just adjusting, but I do think he is worth it :)


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