My Relationship

10:50 AM

...with food.

 



It's tumultuous.
It's love.
It's hate.
It's feast.
It's famine.
It's ugly.
It's satisfying.
It's gross.
It's happiness.
It's disgusting.

At 31, I feel like I should have this under control. But I don't. Does anyone? I'd really love to know the secret...like, I'd pay someone for the answer.

My food consumption directly correlates with so many factors, that I don't even know where to begin. When I'm happy I eat, when I'm sad I eat, when I'm busy I (still) eat, when I'm bored I eat...it never ends.

I wish I could sit here and say I have a great relationship with food. But I abuse it, just as much as anyone else. I use it as an excuse to feel good or to provide comfort. I use it because I'm bored, and chewing or eating something cures boredom instantly...until you finish the bag of chips :/

BBBUUUUTTT...I also know it's value as a source of fuel for the various things I put my body through. I know that carbs are not the devil and eating them past 8PM will not make me obese. I know that protein is good for girls (just like lifting weights). I know that I am the only one makes the choice as to what I consume.


I wish I could make a decision to eat something not-so-healthy and be okay with it. Not have to justify it with whomever I'm eating with or myself. Once the last bite is taken, it is inevitable that a cloud of guilt will set in - thus I will either feel bad about my choice or wallow in my guilt and make another poor decision and eat something else. I justify the later by "since I already ate bad, I guess it doesn't matter if I eat more unhealthy foods".

Yes, the key is "moderation". But my mind does not understand moderation. The crunch of one Dorito, is like a drug. If allowed, I can eat an entire bag. The crunch, the flavor, the comfort - EVERYTHING about that bag of chips screams goodness in my life, besides the caloric intake that also happens.

There are times where I get very serious about my eating habits and reel them in, almost too much. I lose weight and get compliments, but I'm not fully satisfied at meals or when I eat, or even with the compliments. That's a whole different issue, self image, that is just too much to cram into this blog topic today!

I write this and know there are people out there with serious eating disorders. I sympathize with them and I can see how things can escalate to such a magnitude. However, for me it comes down to the fact that I love food way too much. I have a feeling it is a mixture of my upbringing and my accessibility to all things good and tasty.

ecard-complicated-food


I am envious of the bloggers (anyone really) I read daily, who only eat veggie/fruit shakes or protein pancakes for breakfast, followed by two salads for lunch and dinner. That is just NOT me. Yes, they are inspiring to see....but I am also disgusted, because really, who eats that dang healthy!! There goes the love/hate, polarizing relationship I have with food.

As long as it tastes good, there will always be an issue...

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4 comments

  1. "I am envious of the bloggers (anyone really) I read daily, who only eat veggie/fruit shakes or protein pancakes for breakfast, followed by two salads for lunch and dinner. That is just NOT me."

    Eh, my biggest rule is to listen to our bodies and forget what everyone else is doing. Do what is right for you and forget about the rest.

    xox

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Cori! Completely agree, I just need to remember to practice it at times :) I wish burgers and fries just didn't taste so delicious...oh wait, who am I kidding...I love the way they taste!!

      xxoo

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  2. I'm not sure which blogs you read, but I've found most of those that eat the way you call "inspiring" are just as disordered with their habits. I'm especially wary of the use of liquid foods (like juicing foods--why can't you eat them whole?) and protein powder. Those that are a true inspiration to me are the ones that eat real foods to get their nourishment, not weirdo processed things like protein powder. Of course, those with a truly healthy relationship to food don't do much talking about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! I do follow a varying range of blogs. Yes, liquid foods are not my style either. Although, I have been enjoying "juices" lately, but not as food/meal replacement, just a snack or a treat :) Yes, I agree with you, but I can't lie - sometimes I think I want to eat salads all day, but in reality I really don't. Comparing myself does me no good, but I just have to keep reminding myself. And yes, those that do have a healthy relationship with food don't talk much about it. I wish they would though. I'm always open to ways to better myself and my outlook (on food, especially)!!

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