Gross. Grosser. Grossest.

1:52 PM

Running is gross.

No one tells you this, not one single person. They let you experience it on your own, lucky for you, right?! They sell you on how it's free to do and how easy it is to get started.

Please let me break down the grossness for you:

Gross

Pooping - in my opinion, it's not that gross, but it happens. I just try to make sure it happens before my runs. I get up extra early, eat breakfast (if I can get through it without having to run to the bano), then do my deed. BUT you do hear the horror stories of people shitting themselves at races. Seems like a myth and those images on Google don't seem real. So until I actually see this on a course, it will remain an urban legend in my book, but sick, nonetheless.

Runny Nose - It is inevitable that when I run, snot will be pouring out of my nose by mile 2. Seriously, what is with that? Well after some scientific research, aka a Google search, I've come to the self prescribed conclusion - exercise-induced rhinitis (EIR for short). In non-fancy terms, it's basically when you work out your sinus' get irritated, just like with seasonal allergies, and they react...by running down your face during your run. Please read this article to become enlightened such as myself: Why does running make my nose run? This leads to snot rockets (in my next category). I'm already allergic to everything outside, so this just adds to my already sensitive situation.

Grosser

Snot Rockets - I have yet to perfect this technique, but I find it completely revolting. I see runners and various other athletes do it on the regular. However, it's taken me approximately 29 years to actually try it. I would rather keep attempting to suck the snot back into my brain and then end up having to spit it out (graphic, I know, sorry). But really, it always seems to end up on me, my clothes, my face...and then I still have to wipe my nose on my shirt after I've attempted a SR. Ewww, I cannot tell you how much I gag when I see the act of one being done. It makes my stomach quiver and I gag for sure.

Environmental Smells - because I have no better word for it, this is what I dub all the weird smells that one will encounter during a run and/or race. The body odor of others, cat/dog/geese/any animal shit, mold, trash cans, bums, piss from bums, stinky trees, weird things being cooked by random houses, and anything else really. I'm not that sensitive to smells, because of my awful allergies (see above posts), so I don't generally smell things, but when I do they hit me like a Mac truck. If I'm hit with one of these lovely scents, a gag is soon to follow, which hopefully is not completed with some throw-up that I may or may not have to swallow back down.

Grossest

Chub Rub - which my best friend and I have officially named chaffing. If you're lucky you won't realize you have this until you are taking your shower post run and something burns instantly when water hits it. Like scream out loud burn, then you know, you have chub rub. If you've been lucky to have it while during a race, then you my friend, are screwed. It's happened to me twice and it ALWAYS happens in the most unfriendly places - between your legs, where your shirt rubs constantly, anywhere that is really unfriendly. All I can say, is this is gross, because its caused by your skin rubbing together continuously, but the scabbing is gross, it burns like death, and it so uncomfortable (especially if you get it during the race, you will only focus on that and solely your discomfort)!

Now that I've listed it out, it doesn't seem so bad. But why does it seem so gross when I have to deal with it on a run? I guess, I'd rather just get it all out there, before I start encouraging newbies to run. However, my "environmental smells" one is a stretch on the gross meter - but I have experiences some gross smells that make me gag, while running - this is an awful feeling. You lose your breath, it throws off your stride, and you may have to swallow a little bit of your own puke to keep pushing through the run/race.

I warned you...

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